The Immaculate Conception
by Asariella
Summary: It all started with a dream. A dream that prompted Kate to seek the very thing she's always wished for. A baby. Although she goes about it in a slightly unconventional way, and Castle ends up...involved.
1. Chapter 1

**The Immaculate Conception **

**- Chapter One -**

**Dear readers, I thought that because I'm currently on holidays, and with Castle being on break right now I thought I'd take advantage of this situation and present a rather unlikely - but albeit fun Castle story for you all. I'm not exactly sure where in the actual Castle-verse this story actually takes place, but I hope you enjoy regardless. **

**Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, if they were I'd be a lot richer.**

* * *

How they idea dawned upon her she did not know. She didn't even know what she was thinking about at the time. How did her stream of consciousness even get to that point? It was an idea that came from thin air.

…Or perhaps it had been the rather picturesque image she saw whilst riding her black Harley back to her apartment that fine Monday evening?

New York traffic was never kind to her, or anyone for that matter. Beckett sometimes wondered if it was easier to walk to the precinct every morning instead of enduring the hustle and bustle of rush hour. Stopping at a set of traffic lights, her right leg down on the ground supporting her motorbikes weight. Beckett turned, seeing a pair walking. There was nothing particularly special about them. This was a similar image Beckett had seen many times, probably without noticing or even caring. Beckett wondered why she was so entranced by this one.

A small girl and her mother were walking down the busy New York sidewalk. The girl looked to be about eight, brown locks, brown eyes, with a noticeable gap in her front teeth as she smiled. The mother looked to be a few years older than Kate, with similar hair and pale features. Kate couldn't tell her eye colour as she donned a pair of dark sunglasses, odd for the time of day. Nevertheless they were just an ordinary pair walking down the street, going about their business.

_The mother looks at few years older than me. Perhaps 35. Or maybe older? Yes maybe…Not as close to my age. But older. Yes definitely older…_

Kate's jumbled thoughts quickly faded as she watched them round past the corner and disappear out of sight. Kate felt her palms clench tighter around the handles of her motorbike. Her breath caught a little and there was a pang in her chest.

_Odd_. Kate thought.

Why was this affecting her so? She didn't have time to ponder as the light changed to green and she sped off. Leaving nothing but a trail of grey smoke from the exhaust. The mother and daughter left her mind as quickly as they had entered it as Kate made her way back home.

Kate walked down the street. Passing the mailbox to mail a letter, Kate saw a woman on a motorbike staring straight at her.

Perhaps she wasn't staring at her? The helmet made it hard to tell, but her neck was turned in the direction of her. Unmoving.

C_reepy. _Kate thought as she filed the letter inside the mailbox, sliding her hand in after the letter, ensuring it did indeed go inside the slot. A hint of paranoia.

A young voice loudly penetrated her ears; "Mum wait for me!"

Kate turned instinctually at the cry, watching as a small brown hair girl quickly finished tying her laces, quickly hoping up and racing straight to Kate.

"Mum you're walking too fast!" the girl protested, looking directly at her.

Beckett paused. Wondering why this young child was calling her 'mum'. Was she lost? Kate looked down at the girl before looking up and around. Searching for a distressed parent to suddenly burst out of the crowd and move the young girl along.

"Mum? You okay?" The girl cautiously asked. Again, staring at Kate.

"I'm sorry but I'm not-" Kate stopped, staring wide-eyed. This was the girl from the sidewalk earlier today. The one that had been walking with her mother. The one that had Kate oddly entranced. What was happening? Kate took in the girl's features, brown hair similar to hers, brown eyes similar to hers. But on closer inspected had a greenish tinge to them. Again, similar to hers. The girl looked at her puzzled yet bemused at Kate's startled expression.

"You know if we'd caught the subway like I'd asked we could have gotten to there quicker!" the girl pointedly projected. Seemingly now unbothered by the shocked expression of the older woman in front of her. "Are we going to keep walking?"

Kate considered what to say, what to do. She wanted to speak, tell the girl she had made a mistake. She was not her mother. This was a mistake. Kate looked up again, in vain hope that someone would come and usher the girl away.

Nope. Kate looked back down, the girl staring back up at her.

But then something changed. Something was different. The girl's hair did not look the same. Instead it had turned a bright auburn colour. Was this the same girl that had just mistakenly thought she was her mother? The expectant expression on the girls face and the close proximity between Kate and the girl told her that she was.

_What is happening? What is going on….?_

Kate's head quickly looked up again startled as a great bang omitted from the motorbike that had stopped earlier. The woman on it turned her head back on the road and drove off into the distance. The same woman that had been staring at her earlier…

Kate looked back of the young girl. Staring straight back into her big blue eyes… Wait….blue? What-?

_Beep beep beep beep beep!_

The annoying beeping sound from the alarm startled Beckett from her dreams.

_Ugh…so real…_

There was something about lifelike dreams that always bothered Kate. They tended to stay with her for the rest of the day. This one in particular though seemed to rouse a thought she had previously pushed to the back of her mind: Motherhood.

Kate would be turning thirty two in exactly in two months. Thirty two. It sounded so old to her! Part of her still felt like an eighteen year old, figuring out how to be an adult. That was before her mothers tragic death a year later engulfed her and forced her to grow up quicker than she ever had to before.

But now, for the past week or so she had started thinking about motherhood constantly. Previously she would think or talk about it with friends as if it were something that was going to happen…someday…in the distant, very distant future. But now…thirty-two! This was the first time she had thought about it seriously. Perhaps there was some truth in the old biological clock saying, because she could hear the ticking loud and clear now.

Kate had always seen herself as the one and done type. Married by 27, first kid by thirty. Perhaps two more by thirty-five. That was the sort of plan she had decided for herself, long ago, when she was younger and didn't know what the future held.

But now it was the future.

The past few days she had seriously reflected on children. Or the lack of them in her life. It was like a burning feeling in her chest and her heart sunk every time she saw one walking down the street. Especially if the mother of the child looked younger than her. It also reminded her of her lack of potential partner and father of her potential child!

Oh what a world what a world!

Then suddenly it hit her.

The idea formulated out of desperation? Terror that it would never happen? Or was it pure genius that had her conjure up an idea so ridiculous that it was almost Castle-esque!

_Oh….Castle…_

What would he think? Oh God, what would everyone think? Would she have to do it _all _alone? How would she tell people?

A million questions rushed into her head. It panicked her slightly. That she was actually thinking about it seriously.

She wasn't sure she could even say the two words out loud. They haunted her. Wait. Not even haunt, they were more dredged in reality and scarier than any ghost.

_...Artificial insemination._

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_**Comments, queries, opinions. All would be greatly appreciated. Let me know if I should continue or not. **_


	2. Chapter 2

**To all those who reviewed — thank you. This story seems to be getting off to a slightly slow start. I promise though that Castle will be more involved in this. **

**Chapter two:**

* * *

Katherine Beckett walked into the precinct at 8am the next day. Not really ready to face her colleagues, in particular her partner, that day. She wasn't really sure why. It wasn't as if her…secret had gotten out. Or that she had told anyone but that glass of wine she downed last night in a slightly hazed and anxiety ridden state.

_If I plan to get pregnant I should probably stop doing that._

She had plans to tell her boss she had a doctor's appointment, an urgent one, which could not be changed till after her shift. Thus would need approximately an hour off, right after lunch break.

Beckett had considered deeply the night before on whether the choice of the terms "doctors appointment" would arise curiosity in her hardened superior. However, considering she worked in a place full of cops, she figured lying to her uncompromising and suspicious boss would probably not be any safer.

So she thought it best to go talk to Gates right away. Before Castle got there.

It was commonly known that Castle tended to rock up to the precinct half an hour after Beckett did. He had reasoned that it was so she could assert her space, in her own time. Alone. Catch up on a bit of paper work, that sort of thing.

Kate knew better. Too busy catching up on beauty sleep and primping himself she thought. His hair looks far too good for him to just wake up like that!

_No, definitely primping. _

Kate looked at her wrist, her father watch encased around it.

_8:05am. _

Kate reasoned she had better go talk to Gates straight away. Who knew how Gates would react.

_I wonder if begging will have to be involved…_

Kate knocked hesitantly at Gates' office door. The steely-eyed woman arrived promptly at 7:30 every morning. A cup of short black immediately pushed into her hand, and followed suit by a slam of her office door.

_The beast didn't like to be bothered in her cave._

"Come in." a curt voice spoke.

"Morning sir, I uh…have to ask for a personal leave of absence today. Just for an hour. Around 1o'clock. It's a doctor's appointment. Can't be changed." The words tumbled out of her mouth. Damn nervousness had gotten the better of her.

_Smooth, Beckett._

Gates looked up at her, file in hand. One of her perfectly sculpted eyebrows perked up in slight curiosity.

"That's fine, detective. Just be sure to tell Ryan and Esposito before you leave."

_Wow, that was easy. _

"I-yes sir, of course."

Kate turned for the door.

"…And detective, I hope everything's alright."

Kate did not think of a smart enough response, and instead gave her boss a stiff nod, half a smile, and exited her office.

She walked back to her desk, that was buried somewhere under her mounds of paperwork. Slightly dumbfounded, and slightly relieved Gates did not ask any questions.

It was simple, now all she had to do was to sneak out of the precinct at 1 and-Oh. Oh dear.

_Ryan and Esposito. _

Gates had ordered her to tell them that she would be leaving.

In previous cases of Kate having to run off for an hour or so whilst still on duty, Kate would inform her co-workers of her whereabouts, and of course when she should be expected back. This was different though. Telling them she was going to the doctors would rouse concern and suspicion. There would no doubt be questions- they would probably tell Castle! It was a very little known secret that Katherine Beckett was a terrible liar. She could interrogate a suspect and spot every lie, yet–oh the sheer irony-she was a terrible liar herself.

Whilst having a small internal debate with herself, Esposito waltz straight in the precinct. Coffee in hand.

"Yo Beckett, morning"

_Shit. _

"Morning."

_Be cool Kate, be cool._

Kate had managed to weasel her way out of the precinct at 1oclock; her anxiety only slightly exposed…her lying abilities however…

"_Hey Espo, I'm gunna be gone for an hour, will you two hold the fort while I'm gone.? I'll be back around 2."_

_Esposito, Ryan and Castle all looked up from the suspect list they had been studying. _

"_Yeah…everything alright, boss?" Esposito quizzed her, looking at her in a similar fashion as Gates had this morning. _

"_Yeah, fine." Came Kate's reply. Short. Succinct. They stared at her, clearly looking for her to elaborate._

"_Just have some personal…I-My dad. I'm meeting my dad." The words sounded unsure even to her ears. _

"_Okay."_

_The boys continued to stare. Suspicious, probably. They know I only meet up for lunch with my dad on Thursdays. _

_Kate grabbed her things, and darted out of there, hearing a mumble of words between the men before they went back to what they were doing._

"_This guy sounds like a murderer. 'Jacob M. Pulley', arouses suspicion does it not?"_

_Kate thought she heard Castle say before the elevator doors closed. _

Now here she was. Her right leg shaking in a nervous twitch as she sat at the doctors office waiting for her name to be called.

"Beckett."

Kate immediately stood up straight. Like a Meer cat that had spotted its enemy.

_This was a stupid idea. A rash decision. Since when do I not think things over? This is a baby for a goodness sake! You can't just suddenly wake up and decide to have a baby that day!_

"Beckett?" A nurse called again.

Kate managed to wobble into the doctor's room, hands wrestling with each other wildly as she took a seat next to the doctor's desk.

"Katherine, good to see you again. What can I do for you today?" The sweet, dark haired doctor smiled at her from her thin framed glasses.

Kate managed to speak up; "I want to have a baby. Via artificial insemination."

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**Any suggestions on how you want this story to go will be greatly appreciated. Please let me know if you want more!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for fulfilling my reviewing wishes, and thank you to those that have favoured this story or me. Much appreciated. **

**-Chapter three-**

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"_Katherine, now that we've gone through what is involved, you have to make a decision on whether you want to use an anonymous donor or not. I'll see you back here in two weeks with your decision." _

Kate walked back to the precinct, pamphlets and a series of documents tucked away in her bag. Kate found herself in a numb state. She couldn't believe she was actually going through with this.

Kate's doctor had now recommended her to a fertility specialist and gynecologist. Then next step was now to choose whether she wanted an anonymous donor, or choose someone she knew.

Choosing someone she knew…

The list of candidates was unfortunately lacking. Kate couldn't exactly walk up to one of her ex boyfriends asking for…their male substance…

Her closest male friends – Ryan and Esposito –would probably not be willing participants. Ryan was married and Espo…Was Espo. Lanie would perform an autopsy on her alive for even asking.

_Of course there's always Castle –Oh. What?_

She mentally slapped herself for even thinking of such things.

Perhaps a random, anonymous donor was the way to go. Clean, uncomplicated, easy.

Kate knew though, deep down doing it alone would be the hardest thing she would ever face. Single parenthood. She would be a single mother. Her child would also grow up without out a father.

_Think pros and cons here, Kate. Pros and cons…_

Her first challenging step would be telling everyone at the precinct. Initially Kate thought that it would be best to keep her insemination process a secret. It was a delicate process - complications could arise, and Kate was never the one to reveal personal information about herself.

She realized though that for practical reasons she would have to tell them. There would be numerous appointments; she had to go on fertility drugs. It would be a hard secret to keep.

No, she would tell them today. Everything out of the open. No lies.

The elevator doors opened, revealing a busy looking precinct. This was home to Kate, she felt in control here. The vision of a uniform wrestling with the photocopier caught her attention for a moment before she turned and walked along the corridor, back to her desk. She spotted Ryan on the phone, and Castle in his chair that was always positioned at the side of her desk, where he would sit studiously. He seemed to be ruffling through documents with a confused look on his face. Esposito however, was no where to be found.

_Must be paying a visit to Lanie..._

"Hey Castle, any new leads on the McMurphy case?"

Castle turned, seemingly surprised by her presence.

"Ah no, we've been riffling through all potential suspects for the past hour. All seem to have very solid alibis so far. Ryan's just checking up on the final few."

Kate nodded. All things had been left in order, just like she left it.

"So how did father-daughter time go? Your lunch I mean." Castle clarified.

Kate stared at him.

_Oh, so we're gonna have this conversation now?_

"I-ah, it was fine." Kate decided on lying, for now. Telling Castle her major life changing decision (that to him had seemingly come out of no where) right in the middle of the precinct probably would not be a wise move.

"Actually." Kate started, feeling a sudden rush of boldness, "could I…talk to you for a sec?"

Castles eyebrows quizzed her.

"Yeah sure."

The mound of documents was seemingly forgotten as Castle followed Beckett into the break room.

"Coffee?" Castle motioned towards the cherished espresso machine.

_Caffeine is bad. Caffeine is BAD! Woman, you are trying to impregnate yourself! C'mon Kate, good habits!_

"No thanks I'm fine."

"Mind if I –"

"No no, go ahead" Kate smiled at him as he skillfully flipped a coffee cup with one hand and placed it under the nozzle.

"So what's this about?"

Kate fumbled slightly. At a loss of where to begin. She wanted Castle – her partner – to be the first one to know. For all his…bouts of randomness, and complete disregard for his own safety and rules, she trusted him.

"It's about where I really was this afternoon."

If Castle were a fox his ears would have pricked up and stood on his hind legs. He turned toward her, espresso forgotten. His expression curious.

"You know Castle, you always have my back and…I want you to have my back when I tell you this."

She studied his eyes, making sure she had his undivided attention. It was such a ridiculous thing to do, Castle was basically leaning into her, eyes wide and attentive. Shuffling slightly she continued.

"I'm going to have a baby, Castle." She whispered. "Through artificial insemination. It's what I want."

Kate saw him take a deep breath. His eyes widening even more.

"You're pregnant?"

"No, not yet anyway."

A long pause.

Kate reckoned she had shocked the humor right out of Castle. Not even a peep.

Kate continued, "I have to make a decision on what type of donor I want to use. Whether it be anonymous or…" she looked down "a familiar face."

Castle's shock had suddenly worn off and he straightened, clearing his throat.

Castle's hands seemed to be twisting nervously in front of him, "any potential candidates in mind?" he whispered, causing her look at him again.

"No. Using an anonymous donor is currently my only option right now."

Castle nodded, but suddenly softened.

"Kate, listen to me. I have no doubt in my mind that you are going to make the most wonderful mother there is. No doubt at all. But Kate, going it alone? From someone who has experienced it, it is anything but easy. It's the hardest thing you will ever do."

"Don't you think I know this Castle?" Kate huffed. Annoyed that he thought she didn't know what she was up against. That this was a decision she took lightly.

"Look, I know what you must be thinking, since when did I make rash decisions like this? But you know what Castle – my relationships never seem to work out, I have no one, Castle. No one. I have wanted this since I was a little girl, but it seems the traditional route just isn't going to work for me so yes-I'm going it alone." Her words seemed to come out in a harsh, rushed tone. Feelings that she had bottled up inside seemed to come pouring out and she hated that. Being weak in front of Castle.

She took a step back, not trusting herself to keep collected under his gaze.

"Kate…" he leaned in, almost like he was reaching for her.

"No Castle, no. I have made my decision. I'm not waiting around any longer." She turned, wanting to get away.

This time he did reach for her. His large palm on her arm, pulling her back. "No, no, it's not that. I just-I want to help!" He blurted out.

Kate turned fully. Looking carefully into his eyes. "Help?"

"Yeah…"

"What are we talking here, Castle, babysitting?"

"That-and help with…you know. The donation."

At that Kate's mouth dropped. Another awkward pause ensued.

_A baby with Richard Castle?_

Blinking back her shock she found her voice, "Castle…I can't ask you to-"

"No I want to. We do this, and I can be as involved or uninvolved as you like. I want this for you too, Kate." He whispered, reverently. "I want you to be happy."

This time tears started to reveal themselves, and eventually spill over the brink. Kate sniffled, and Castle pulled her into a hug. Rick and Kate were never the type of people who hugged a lot- and certainly not each other. However there was a level of comfort being in Castle's strong embrace. His checkered shirt smelt of ironing and waffles. She couldn't believe he was doing this for her, and she let out a small sob.

A large hand settled on her back, and rubbed. Calming her.

_A baby with Richard Castle!_

"You know Beckett, with both of our genes this is gonna be one cute kid."

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**Please let me know what you think. Reviews always make me want to write more and improve!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**Hi all. I'm so sorry for the length between chapters. Just got through a particularly stressful semester of uni. But I'm on break now so hopefully I can get the ball rolling and finish this fic. I have a pretty good idea on where it's going to go...but suggestions are always welcome!**

* * *

Pangs of doubt flooded Kate's mind on the day of her scheduled doctors appointment. Since Castle had offered to make a donation two weeks ago things had been a little weird between the two of them. They still worked on their usual cases, with Castle bringing Kate coffee every morning as per normal. But something had…changed. Almost like the awkward switch had been turned on and they didn't know how to act in front of each other anymore.

This morning it was particularly bad. Castle had taken it upon himself to avoid her. Kate read this as an extremely concerning sign. He had never avoided her before. His mission in life of following her around to annoy her had somehow ceased. Instead his mission was replaced with this shy little boy who couldn't quite meet her eyes.

Putting down her empty coffee mug Beckett crossed her arms and looked at the murder board. Work still had to take priority until her appointment at 4pm.

"Okay so where are we with the girlfriend?"

Esposito spun around in his chair.

"Alibis out. Was in LA on the night of the murder to visit her Mom. Called the airline to confirm her booking."

"Dammit." Kate chewed at her thumb. "This doesn't any make sense. Alright, I want you to onto the security cameras in the car park of the hotel. Check number plates to see if you can find any leads."

"On it." Espo spun back around and slid over to his desk effortlessly.

Kate stared at the murder board, deep in focus. Suddenly, there was a presence behind her.

She whipped around.

"Castle."

He stood there, blue eyes wide and timid. This was the first time today that he had approached her.

"I made you a fresh batch," he said quietly, passing her a new steamy mug of rich velvety liquid.

"Thanks" Kate smiled and took the mug appreciatively, bringing it up to her lips.

_At least he still brings me coffee…_

"So was it the girlfriend?"

"She was in LA the night Franklin was murdered. So far no new leads."

Castle nodded. Staring at the murder board. He seemed to be fidgety and distracted. Kate noticed right away.

"Castle – break room now." She whispered and walked off.

Shuffling along behind her, Castle entered the break room and closed the door.

Kate stood there, observing his posture. She had had enough. "Okay out with it. You haven't been able to look at me in the eye for 2 weeks and I'm sick of it. Things have been so weird! I asked you a week ago whether our agreement has affected our professional relationship and you said "oh everything is fine" – It's clearly not fine, Castle."

Castle wrung his hands and looked down at his feet. He mumbled an apology.

Kate frowned. Timid Castle scared her. It was the complete opposite of the fun loving 12 year old she had grown accustomed to.

"Look do you…Do you want to back out from our agreement?" Kate spoke quietly, almost like she was talking to a horse about to run off.

"No."

Kate swallowed.

"Then why are you acting so..." Kate flailed her arms in his direction, "Not you."

Castle sighed and stepped towards her.

"I just…I've been thinking – this is actually going to happen isn't it? You. Me. A baby?"

"Well I'll be having the baby Castle…" Kate pointed out.

"See that's just it, Kate. I want this for you, more than ever. I am ready to play my part. But where do I stand?"

Kate paused.

"I don't understand?"

"What I mean is," he stepped closer, closing the distance between them, "am I just…the donor?"

Kate blinked. Seemingly struck by his question.

"You're the supportive friend who is helping me have a baby Castle." She said carefully. Watching his reaction.

His expression seemed to darken slightly. "Well…do you think you could call me tonight?"

"Tonight?"

"After your appointment. Tell me what the doctor says."

"I-sure Castle. I'll call."

"Thanks" he seemed somewhat more at ease and stepped away from her.

"Appointments at 4 so I'll call you at 5."

With that she stepped out of the break room to leave Castle to his thoughts.

* * *

Kate walked through her apartment, throwing her jacket on the couch absentmindedly.

"Castle."

"Hey it's me."

"So how did it go?"

"Well everything is okay with me. Doctor says I should have no trouble getting pregnant."

"Never thought you would."

"But the doctor wants you to er…give a sample. To just make sure…everything's…working, as it should. Sperm count and such." Kate could feel her cheeks heating up and was thankful this was not a face-to-face conversation.

Castle scoffed. "Well the doctor should know my swimmers are perfectly healthy and capable. I have fathered a daughter you know."

"I'm sure Castle it's just routine." Kate smiled into the phone at his surge of masculine ego.

"So when do I have to provide this sample?"

"Doctor said you can go into the clinic anytime this week and we'll have the results by next."

"Alright I'll stop by tomorrow after work…" The tone in Castle's voice had become quiet and soft.

Kate didn't reply and waited for him to continue the conversation. However he did not. Usually on the phone with him she was struggling to get two words in.

"I guess I should go now…order some take out."

"Yeah." He replied. "Until tomorrow detective." And hung up the phone quickly.

_Goodbye?_

Something was definitely still up with Castle.

* * *

It had been 8 days since that conversation. Castle did not act as strangely as he had that week, although things were still not normal. She could not quite put her finger on what exactly had changed but their friendship was not on familiar terms.

He had randomly pulled her into the break room in a frantic dash a few days later, asking if the doctor had called about the sample he had given.

"_The doctor will call on Saturday Castle." _She had told him.

It was now Saturday; Her doctor had rang at mid day informing her that Castle's sperm count was high and the sperm healthy. She could now go in for treatments. Kate booked one for the end of the coming week. She had been taking supplements since she first decided on the pregnancy.

_The sooner I start this the better. Less time for me to get scared and freak out. _

Not being at work, Kate decided to go visit Castle at his loft for two reasons. The first was she wanted to tell him in person she was going to start treatments. The second was the try to talk to him about how he was feeling about all this on account of his strange behaviour.

Kate knocked on his door. A surprised looking Castle opened it.

"I thought you'd only call me. Is it bad news? What's wrong with me?" he blurted out.

"Easy there writer man, everything is fine. You're a healthy virile male." She smirked as she pushed passed his form into his apartment. He closed the door and turned.

"Oh. Right. Well good. Never thought otherwise…"

She smiled up at him. Their size difference was particularly pronounced today. She wasn't sporting her heels like she did at work.

Kate eased herself on one of Castle's couches. "I'm going to start trying end of next week."

"So soon?" he quizzed.

"Yeah. Don't want to give myself more time to second guess myself."

Castle nodded and headed towards the kitchen.

"Coffee? Tea? Food?"

"Just water thanks."

Kate shifted uncomfortably on her seat. This was a conversation that she needed to have with him. Before the insemination process started. Castle came back with her water, carefully placing it on the table in front of her.

"Castle I want to talk to you about something important. About…" she motioned her hands back and forth between them "us."

Castle's face dropped and became very anxious looking.

"Us?"

"Yes. Us. Castle I feel that this decision I made, and the decision you have made to help me is going to affect our partnership. Both personally and professionally. I've realised this and…that's okay. Change is okay. But Castle, I still want us to be…us, you know?"

Castle cocked his head to the side.

"I'm sorry that I've been acting a bit…off lately. I genuinely want to help you Kate. I want this for you. It's just…a bit weird you know? You're going to have my baby. I mean I never even thought of donating my…. stuff…before now."

Kate looked down, feeling a bit embarrassed at his turn of phrase.

"Listen, about that. I want this whole…arrangement – to be kept between us for now."

Castle nodded quickly. Adding a "good idea".

They sat in silence for a while. Kate sipping on her water before Castle suggested he cook her one of his fancy chicken schnitzels. How chicken schnitzels could be anything but ordinary was beyond her but she agreed anyway.

"I tell you what I can't wait for?" Castle pipped up in the midst of rummaging between shelves. "The look on Ryan and Esposito's face when they find out…"

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**Reviews are always appreciated! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter five**

It was the day of her first insemination appointment and Beckett was nervous. Not nervous about the procedure exactly, but nervous about how quickly she had taken upon the idea. Thinking things over carefully late at night, with half a glass of wine and some Chinese take out, Beckett's mind wandered. Why had she willingly accepted Castles donation? Kate prided herself on her reason and rationality.

_This decision clearly was not based upon any type of thought whatsoever! _She would snap at herself. But then she would picture herself with a tiny baby in her arms and calm down.

However, a thought that would gnaw at her subconscious was Castle's intentions.

_Why was he so quick to give his sperm away?_

She had not even suggested he offer. She had simply wanted to tell him; tell someone about what she was going to moral support, to talk her about of it, for some sort of opinion! She felt Castle could be that person already being a father and all.

_Oh God. A father._

How on earth would Alexis feel about all this when she found out? Kate mentally kicked herself for not thinking about how this decision would affect people around her. It held far more implications that her simply getting a baby.

How involved would Castle be? Would he demand daily visits? Would he not want to see the child at all?

_Have I thought about any of that?_

Kate realised that she had been so intent on getting pregnant she had not thought about what was to come after.

She sighed as she pulled up to the doctor's clinic after work. Switching the car off she sat in the drivers seat and stared down in her lap.

_This is it Kate. No turning back._

She knew she wanted this. That was not the issue. The predicament she had gotten herself into though was not.

Gathering up all the courage she could muster she stepped out of the car. Walking carefully into the doctor's clinic, she had come to a decision;

Castle could not be involved with this child for both their sakes.

Riding the elevator up to work the next morning Kate anxiously thought about how today's events would unfold. She knew she needed to confront Castle, but she didn't know how. Best of all, she didn't know how he would take it.

* * *

"Morning detective."

Kate's eyes narrowed at the individual currently perched next to her desk. Steaming coffee cup in hand.

"You're here early…" Kate observed, giving him a slight smile of thanks as she took the cup.

"Yeah. Well I thought it would give us a small chance to talk about- well you know. Yesterday."

His eyes never left hers as she took a swig of her coffee. Only it wasn't coffee. Kate cranked her nose and swallowed.

"Tea, Castle? Really?"

"Hey! Do you know how many antioxidants are in tea? It's good for you. Tea also calms the soul, Beckett. Don't diss tea!"

Kate lifted an eyebrow up at him.

"I thought I'd help ween you off coffee for when the time comes." He offered.

Kate wasn't exactly sure how to take this gesture. Should she be thankful that he's concerned for her wellbeing or should she be concerned about his protectiveness? For the time being she would remain neutral on the subject.

"So?" Castle prodded.

Kate, almost like a Meerkat sussing out its prey she craned her neck and scanned the precinct for potential eavesdroppers. Not spotting any potential candidates in sight she lowered and whispered;

"I won't know how the procedure went for a few weeks yet."

"But it's happened?"

"Yes."

"Will you let me know when you find out?"

"Yes."

"Will you let me come with you to the doctors appointment?"

Kate stopped and stared at him for a moment. She was unsure of how to continue. Was this what he really wanted? Was this what she wanted? Nonetheless this seemed to be a good leeway for the conversation she knew had to take place.

"Castle let me ask you something. How involved do you want to be?"

"In what?"

"In the child's life."

"How involved do you want me to be? Technically it is your child." He counteracted.

_He's putting all this on me?_

"Technically it's-"

"-Morning Beckett!" came a cheery but rather unwanted interruption from Ryan behind them.

Ryan noticed Castle sitting uneasily next to his boss's desk. "Oh hey Castle," you're here early." He observed.

"What can I say? I'm a committed professional. Always a stickler for them rules."

Castle could practically hear the eye roll from Kate. Ryan disappeared to his desk.

"Conversation for later? My place. Mother and Alexis are out tonight."

Giving him a quick nod she turned quickly in her chair.

"Ryan any word from CSU on that camera footage?"

* * *

Kate gave him a small smile as he led her into his apartment.

"Are you hungry? I made pasta."

Giving him a small nod, Kate sat herself down on one of the counter top chairs. "Sure."

He handed her a steaming plate and they ate right there in silence. Both were silently wishing for the other to prompt the conversation they inevitably had to have. Kate was the first to break.

"Castle we should stop avoiding the subject. Let's get this over with."

He didn't say anything. Instead he chose to pick up their empty bowls and put them into the dishwasher. He finally spoke.

"Okay Kate, let's 'get this over with'."

_Is he…mad?_

Kate blinked. Unsure of both his tone and words.

"Look, I feel we kind of just jumped into this whole thing without talking it through properly. We both wanted this – you were willing to help. We're not trying to sort out if this was a mistake here. I'm just trying to figure out your involvement in this Castle. You wanted to help – you've helped. You've done your part."

"Yes, I've done my part. " he agreed. "But Kate these past weeks has made me think realistically about this. Will you tell the kid about me? Will I even get to know him or her? Or will I just be one of 'mommy's friends' that comes to visit and gets them a nice birthday present every year? What about Alexis and Mother– do I get to tell them about potentially becoming a father again? Damn it Kate have you thought about any of that?!"

Kate's eyes were wide open in shock. She was not expecting him to be so…aggressive. Although she could see where his frustration was coming from, old defensive Kate came rearing back.

"Look, I don't know okay? If you're so upset about all of this perhaps it's best for you to not be involved at all. "

Something changed in Castle's demeanour. He no longer looked just frustrated. He looked…defeated.

"At all?" he repeated.

Kate's walls were extremely guarded. "I think…it would be best if I did this alone."

Castle winced. Then his eyes darkened.

"Fine. It's your child Kate you can do what you want."

"If and when the baby is born I'll be more than happy to sign any legal documents on issues of child support. I don't want to take any money from you Castle."

He just stood there lifelessly watching her. Not uttering a single word.

"I think it's best if I go."

With that Kate quickly exited his apartment. Leaving a trail of despair in her wake.

* * *

**This particular chapter was shorter than the rest for a reason. From here it might get a little angsty. Any suggestions for where you want this to go will be welcome!**


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